How Would That Have Gone?

So according to my gossip blogs--which I check with the regularity of a diabetic checking their insulin levels in a candy store--Radiohead made some enemies when they played the Grammys last week. Namely: lyrically-challenged and top contender for the open position of Antichrist, Miley Cyrus, and possibly the most...well..."Kayne West-iest" person in world, Kayne West.

When I heard about the story and read a few quotes from each of the "artists" involved I couldn't help but imagine how the insults were hurled. So I wrote a play about it. The following is the first in hopefully a long line of The Jane Austen Watches South Park Players Present: How Would That Have Gone?

Enjoy



Location: The Grammys

Miley: I have to meet Radiohead! They are my rock gods. I love them I love them I love them. Squeeee!!!

Kayne West: Yo I love them like I love my self...which is a lot. Seriously.

Enter Thom Yorke

Kanye West: Damn Thom you remind me of me. A rainbow in a colorless world

Thom Yorke looks at Kayne, sniffs, and walks away

Kayne: Damn, that was cold. I'm going to have to blog about this later IN ALL CAPS
Kayne hops upon his powder pink segway and nearly runs down Gwyneth Paltrow.

Enter Radiohead's Manager

Miley: Sweet nibblets I need to meet Radiohead. I love them. I worship them.

Radiohead's Manager: I'm sorry again, was it Millie?

Miley: No. Miley. Miley Cyrus. Of Hannah Montana? Um...Hello? I'm totally famous.

RM: Of course Ms. Cyrus. I'm afraid that the guys just aren't very into the celebrity "meet and greet" as it were. It was bad enough getting them here, but actually talking to you people just wasn't in their contract.

Miley: Whatever!!! I'm going to go on Ryan Seacrest's show tomorrow and tell the whole world that Radiohead is a bunch of meenies that don't understand that when you are a celebrity you get to meet other "celebrities" even if you have nothing in common with them and they kinda don't get you and you sure as heck don't get them but you're desperate for music industry cred because this perky persona is wearing off fast and where will I be when I turn 20?!? WHERE WILL I BE? I mean, I can't even read for turnips sake. Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick.

One Day Later

(voiceover)Thom Yorke: One day, when Miley grows up, she will learn not to have such a sense of entitlement.

Scene

And that, my people, is why we love Thom Yorke.

Jane Austen Watches Battlestar Galactica

Hello there stranger (and by stranger I mean my one reader, Amanda, who I see at least twice a week so...not really a stranger at all). I've fallen off the blogging bus but I am now back on and hope to update this blog bi-weekly. So let's get going.

Things I am into right now (in a big way)

1.) Christian Bale - I finally saw "The Dark Night" last night. I know, I know, I know, I should have seen it in the theater at least 1,000 times according to most people I have talked to. But since I finally got around to seeing it on my little laptop I feel justified in saying that Christian Bale is epic. When I was in high school I saw "Swing Kids", a movie set in 1930s Germany where all the kids want to do is DANCE(!) There were all, "Here's a jitterbug in your eye Hitler". It wasn't a good film but Robert Sean Leonard was in it as was a young Christian Bale. At the time I had a massive crush on RSL (if you're down you can call him that) and never even paid much attention to Bale. Oh the folly of youth! I hope to atone by finding, watching and loving the Disney musical "Newsies" where Bale dances away the blues of being a low-paid newspaper boy and takes on (while singing mind you) the evil empire that is Hearst Media. It will no doubt be awful and I'll love every minute of it.

2.) The Poetry of W.B. Yeats - My friend Beverly and I have decided to broaden our reading. For her that means more non-fiction. For me that means more poetry. I stumbled on a book of collected poems of W.B. Yeats and this poem struck me as particularly good:

No Second Troy

WHY should I blame her that she filled my days With misery, or that she would of late Have taught to ignorant men most violent ways, Or hurled the little streets upon the great. Had they but courage equal to desire? What could have made her peaceful with a mind That nobleness made simple as a fire, With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind That is not natural in an age like this, Being high and solitary and most stern? Why, what could she have done, being what she is? Was there another Troy for her to burn?

I wonder what he means in the line, "Hurl the little streets upon the great." Any ideas? If so, write it on the back of a postcard and send it in. Winners will be chosen at random by a blind, deaf midget who has been given too much to drink. Fingers crossed.

3.) The Final Cylon - I really thought I had defeated my inner sci-fi nerd. I was pleased to find that I didn't care for "Blade Runner" or the final three Star Wars movies. Sci-fi dork is a charming trait in a man but does little for a woman other than make her seem that much weirder than her SATC-loving friends. But when I saw the first episode of "Battlestar Galactica" I knew I couldn't keep my inner sci-fi nerd quiet any longer. She lashed out, devouring every episode, spending hours on the Internet reading whacked-out theories about cylons profligated by men, who no doubt, live in their mother's basements and hand-craft Lee Adama dolls out of balsa wood and spit. On the bright side though the last season starts this Friday so by all accounts my obsession should be over soon. But what will I do with all those Lee Adama dolls I made out of balsa wood and spit?